Better Not
by FionaRhiannon
Summary: When Bella Swan had a brief but very satisfying holiday romance with the gorgeous Dr. Carlisle Cullen, She had no idea of the strong connections tying them together back home. Will they be able to make it as a couple through the drama of their lives? Rated M for sexual content, explicit language & Abuse/Suggestion of rape. AH.
1. Chapter 1 - The holiday

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. No Copyright infringement is intended.

The original plot is all i own here

**A/N: **I'd like to give thanks to Project Team Beat who, well, Beta'd this chapter!

So here's another new story from me. When i started writing, it was supposed to just be a lemony O/S, but the story just grew. It will probably just be a short story.

The more i post, the more you'll find out important questions i usually get asked - who is related to who, what the situation is, etc.

Just sit back, and enjoy the ride :-)

(Any mistakes on posting are my own)

* * *

_Life _  
_ would perhaps_  
_ be easier _  
_ if I had _  
_ never met you_

_ Less sadness _  
_ each time _  
_ when we must part_  
_ less fear _  
_ of the next parting_  
_ and the next after that_

_ And not so much either _  
_ of this powerless longing _  
_ when you're not there _  
_ which wants only the _  
_ impossible _  
_ and that right away_  
_ next minute _  
_ and then _  
_ when that can't be_  
_ is hurt _  
_ and finds breathing difficult_

_ Life_  
_ would perhaps be_  
_ simpler _  
_ If I hadn't met you_  
_ Only it wouldn't be _  
_ my life._

_- Better Not By Erich Fried -_

**Chapter 1 – The Holiday**

As I woke up, my body ached with pure bliss.

I could feel it pulsating through me, prominent as though this was something I'd never had the pleasure of experiencing before.

And that was true.

I'd had a few boyfriends before, but none had managed to make me feel so — alive after just one night.

I couldn't precisely tell you what had made me take a man I hardly knew to my bed. Maybe it was the alcohol I had consumed coupled with my new-found care-free attitude. Or maybe it was because he was charming, and deadly handsome.

Maybe all four married up to form such perfection.

Either way, I was glad I had done it.

I turned to look at him where he lay on the other side of my bed.

His bright blue eyes were covered by the pale lids and thick lashes. His lips were barely parted and he lay on his back. Nothing but the sun shone through my window, highlighting a light dusting of hair covering his body. His chest rose and fell lightly, indicating he was still in a deep sleep.

Turning as carefully as I could, I took the sheet used during summers like this off the end of the bed and stood, wrapping it around myself before I headed to the bathroom.

Looking in the mirror as I washed my hands, I smiled at my reflection. Smudged make-up, messy hair and a happier glow than I'd recently worn . I quickly brushed my teeth before heading back into my bedroom and back to the very reason I'd been so happy.

He was leaning on one elbow, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

He didn't seem to care that he was stark naked in a stranger's bed, and I found myself glad; he had a stunning body.

"Morning," I whispered, and he looked round to me, smiling when he found me leaning against the door frame.

"Morning," he replied with a dazzling grin.

"Did you sleep okay?" I asked, hitching the bed sheet just a tiny bit higher when it slipped.

"I did - what little of it I managed to get." He smirked as he sat up and ran his fingers through his messy blond locks. "Not sure I'm a fan of this bed, though," he frowned . I stepped forward towards the end of it, one hand gripping onto the iron bedframe.

"Why?" I wondered, frowning much the same as he.

"It's far too cold when it's empty," he told me as he took my free hand and pulled me towards him. "You do know the best way to warm somebody up, right?" he asked me.

Biting my lip, I shook my head.

"Come here," he said now, indicating me closer with a slight nod of his head . "And I'll teach you."

Following his subtle lead, I crawled onto the bed and over to him, straddling his thighs and kneeling high in front of him.

"You have beautiful, soft flesh, la Mia Bella," he whispered beautifully, his large, warm hands ghosting over my arms. "And, to keep me warm, you're going to have to share that." he continued.

I allowed my eyes to flutter closed for a second, and I swallowed hard as his fingers fought with the knot in the sheet, causing it to drop from my naked form.

The intensity in his eyes, now a stormy blue that flashed with lust as he looked over my bare flesh, sent a thrill through me, and I was most pleased to find he still found me as attractive the morning after.

I felt the sheet slowly slide away from behind me, and barely heard its soft crumple to the bedroom floor. My attention was mostly paid to the way this man touched me, ever so carefully, but with heat. It wasn't some fumble behind the bike sheds - his needy touches were still gentle caresses, carefully paying attention to where he got the most reaction from me and then doubling his concentration on that area.

His uneven, plump lips were hot on my skin too, pressing softly yet fiercely into the hollow of my throat and leaving a blazing trail along my jaw to the earlobe he carefully nibbled.

I found myself moving against him, my wet flesh grazing along his hardened length. I silently begged him for friction of some kind. He knew how to work me into a frenzy; that much was obvious.

As his fingertips tiptoed over the curves of my body, mine tried to claw at the muscles in his arms, gripping them as tightly as I could without wanting to cause pain.

Or maybe I should? Because this in itself was torture, a different kind of pain - a raw aching that intensified with each flick of his tongue against the hard rosy buds that stood from my breasts. As he took one between his teeth, my hand few into his hair, gripping it tightly as my back arched and I gasped out.

"Please," I begged in a breath.

I could feel his smirk on my skin. He had me completely, and he liked it.

And I _liked_ that he liked it.

Moving his hand over my body, his fingers stroked my inner thigh and teased my waiting center. My hips bucked against him in that second, and he moaned.

"Are you ready for me?"

I nodded quickly as he stroked more of me, his fingers just dipping inside to where I was wet and waiting.

But it surprised me to the point of a small yell when he entered me, hard and thick with his fantastic cock and not his magic fingers.

He grunted in pleasure against my now sweating skin as I took the friction I wanted and moved on top of him. Hands held onto my ass cheeks as I bounced on him and called his name loudly.

"That feels so good," he told me, his voice rather like honey; thick as it poured, sweet as I tasted it, smooth as it ran through my body.

We stayed this way, my hands resting upon his strong shoulders where muscles rippled at his exertion, and he gently moved with me in ways that had my climax building rather early. I could feel him deep within me, stroking and pleasuring that special spot in a way nobody had done before.

I called his name out like a prayer, a thanks to the heavens for what this man was bringing me.

"Carlisle!" I exclaimed, rocking my hips faster and breathing heavier until I came undone. I tightened around him, clung to his body and gasped, my eyes shut tight as the waves of my climax rolled through me.

He waited for a moment or two, gently rocking his hips as I came down from yet another fantastic orgasm.

I'd lost count of how many he had given me during the course of our night together.

When I leaned away from him and took a deep ragged breath, he took the opportunity to move with me still in his arms, and lay me down. But he leaned back as my head fell into the soft pillows, and grabbed my hips as he thrust into me hard.

"La Mia Bella," he repeated sweetly, pouring his honey all around me.

This man ... was amazing.

I could feel my climax build again. Our moans grew louder, his grip on my hips got stronger, and with a grunt, we came together. I could feel the rush within me as I fell back a little into my soft mattress.

As we both panted, Carlisle — my blond beauty — slowly disconnected us and lay back down beside me, one arm draping over my sweaty stomach.

For the next few hours, we were perfectly happy in our own little bubble.

We showered together, slowly touching and washing each other, learning places we hadn't had time to discover the night before. In just our underwear, we made our way to the kitchen of the small studio apartment I was renting, and made breakfast together. His eggs were fantastic and he complimented my choice of tea.

It was during breakfast he requested to know me, to know what I was about.

So I showed him.

The things I made, the art I created as a hobby, the stories I liked to read.

Picking up a book, Carlisle took it outside with him along with a cup of tea.

Just outside some double doors sat a wrought iron balcony, with hanging baskets containing Blue Brachyscome plants—pretty little daisy-like flowers with contrasting yellow centers. I'd simply placed some large cushions there so I could sit in the sun to read, and Carlisle must have thought it a good idea too.

I followed him out and found him already sat down.

I looked around at our surroundings at first - we were still in our underwear and I prayed nobody could see us.

But there was also something about this man that made me bold and daring.

So I sat down next to him, one of his arms snaking over my shoulder, the other resting holding a book between us and opening to the first page. Reaching down between the cushions, I pulled out the glasses case I had left there the day before.

Carlisle took hold of my chin, and tilted my head to face him. "Very sexy," he told me, pecking my lips quickly before we returned to the book.

And so we sat there, the warm midday sun beating down on our somewhat pale bodies as we read and drank tea. We weren't disturbed by the sound of motorbikes growling past below us, the rumble of a car engine, or even the angry sound of car horns and their irritated car drivers.

No, all that disturbed us was the ringing of his mobile sometime after one p.m . The bells in the nearby town center were what chimed and told us the hour, and their beautiful music still echoed in my mind as his shrill ringtone sounded.

Standing slowly, he made his way to answer.

All I could hear was his voice faintly traveling to me, but I couldn't and wouldn't try and work out what was being said.

He was still a big mystery to me, only having revealed to me why he was here in this town, which also revealed his occupation, and the introduction he made that told me his name. I wasn't desperate enough to know more that I would sneak up and invade somebody's privacy.

When he returned, I had turned several pages but not taken many words in.

Was this it? Was reality about to hit me harder than I could possibly have imagined it would have? I didn't think in my wildest imaginings that I'd feel so — content with somebody the way I did with Carlisle.

It undoubtedly felt bizarre to me. Was I coming across too strongly? Was it utterly ridiculous of me to want more time with a man I didn't really know?

Honestly, it didn't feel ridiculous to me.

He sighed, the sound somewhat sad as though his thoughts were in line with mine. "I have go," he said quietly.

For a moment I briefly wondered, could that have been his wife? A girlfriend? Did he have another life he had to return to now?

"It was my work colleague. I have to go earlier than planned, and I need to go back to my hotel and change."

"Okay," I simply said.

I had no idea why I felt so … disappointed. I knew it could only be a one night thing. I knew he wouldn't be in town long.

I guessed I just wished it could continue.

When neither of us said anymore, he left the balcony.

I sighed as I put the book down and rubbed my eyes tiredly. I was being stupid. One night.

At least I'd had that one night of heaven.

He didn't come all the way out to say goodbye, but I heard the sad words he spoke before the door closed.

"Goodbye, La Mia Bella."

Leaning over the balcony, I waited for him to exit the main door downstairs.

"Goodbye, Carlisle," I all but shouted over the edge when he appeared. His head turned, and he glanced up.

A smile spread over his kind, warm features and he nodded once before hailing a cab and closing the final door on our night of bliss.

**A/N: **Thoughts?


	2. Chapter 2 - Homecoming

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the Characters. All credit goes to SM.

**A/N: **

So here it is guys, Chapter 2. I'd like to thank everyone who read the story, put it on alerts and reviewed it. I'm very grateful and glad you enjoyed it!

I'd like to thank _Itsange _and _LoveLeVampyre _of Project Team Beta who looked this chapter over for me.

And so - on with the show!

(Any errors on posting are my own)

* * *

**Chapter 2 – Homecoming**

Walking into the pub, I was greeted by familiar faces and politely returned their welcome as I headed toward my best friend Alice.

She was in our usual seat, a small table surrounded by a huge, brown, leather sofa next to the old, rustic fireplace. She sat on the edge of the sofa, one leg crossed over the other, her tall, expensive heel dangling off her foot, dangerously close to falling. Her jeans were so thin and perfectly straight, I was surprised they didn't rip, and as I approached, she delicately picked a hair from her white Chanel blouse. Since I'd been away, it looked as though her hair had grown out of her usual short pixie cut.

When she saw me, a grin spread across her beautiful face, and she stood to embrace me.

"Ow, Alice... Too tight," I gasped at her strong hold. For someone so tiny, she was rather strong.

"Sorry," she replied, letting me go, and we sat down together.

"So, how was it?" Alice asked, referring to my holiday.

I sighed, thinking at first of my blond god, and smiled.

"It was beautiful. That apartment of your friends is right in the centre of things, and it was just beautiful. Exactly what I needed."

Alice nodded.

"He was asking about you," she added quietly, before passing me a drink.

I cleared my throat. "Well, he can ask all he wants. I don't care."

Alice and I were talking about my father, Charlie.

Ever since I was a little, i'd been a daddy's girl. Charlie was my hero — a police man, somebody well respected in the community who helped others and fought crime — to me Charlie was a superhero. When I was younger i always drew him in his uniform but with a cape or some other superhero cliché accessory.

Two months ago, Charlie had let me down.

I found out he had been seeing his friend's wife. There were some that would say that what my father does isn't really any of my business, but I was hurt. I couldn't understand how he could do something so hurtful to so many people. Sure, I wanted him to be happy, but not at such a cost. We had argued badly about it, and for the first time, we had a falling out. So I took leave from work and went on holiday. It was silly really, basically running away from such a small thing, but it was what I needed to do.

Alice had a friend who had a small studio apartment in Piazza Santa Maria in Rome, Italy: a beautiful area with a marvelous church and wonderful, quiet bars and café's.

"Bella, you know you won't stay mad at him for long." She smiled shyly.

"Well, I'm still mad for now," I told her before I took a sip of the drink she had brought me. We were quiet for a moment until Alice changed the subject.

"So you didn't meet any nice Italian boys while you were there then?"

My smile grew large, and she raised a perfectly shaped brow curiously.

"I met plenty —but none of them were as lovely and romantic as the handsome British man I met."

"I want details," she demanded eagerly, settling back into the couch as I told her basic details about my night with Carlisle — there was some of it I just wanted to keep for myself.

"So, you didn't exchange numbers or even find out where he lives?" she asked me, slightly perplexed.

"Alice, it was a one night thing, all that is — irrelevant."

"Yeah but Bella, come on! It's not every day you come across men like that, and he's British! If he was only visiting Rome for a work conference, surely that means he lives over here in England."

I shrugged. "He probably does, but knowing my luck, somebody like that also probably has a wife or a girlfriend."

Alice tutted at me. "I doubt it, Bella. Men like him don't cheat. Well… I hope they don't."

I laughed, shaking my head. "It doesn't matter, ok? I had a great night, and that's that."

She sighed, clearly frustrated I wasn't pursuing this man, but otherwise dropped it and spoke of business. "So, the wedding is almost completely organized. The caterers are giving me some last minute grief, but I can handle them. I need you to just do a few things for me."

"Ok, shoot." As I popped a bar nut into my mouth, Alice launched into her plans.

"I need you to make sure Edward and Jasper aren't organising anything too… over the top, for their stag nights. They're going to have one big night with everybody all together, but I heard Edward on the phone joking about needing passports. The last thing I need is the groom or… well, grooms, I guess, going missing. So I need you to find out exactly what he has planned."

"Can't you just ask him?" I suggested. "He is your brother after all."

"I tried. All he does is make more jokes to wind me up."

I laughed at the thought of my twenty-seven-year-old friend teasing his twenty-four-year-old sister like he did when they were kids.

"Exactly. Then all I need you to do is bring the flowers over from your place. They're going to be delivered there first thing on that morning."

"Why my apartment?" I wondered, when I knew Alice would be with her brother at his place until I got there.

"Because you wanted to help, so I've thrown some jobs your way." She smiled.

"Fair enough. So, is that everything?"

"Well, we need to go pick the dresses up in a few hours, but yes, that is everything," she replied, and we both grinned proudly.

I'd known Alice since we were three years old, and we met playing dress up at nursery. During our childhood, we were inseparable, and our friendship had remained strong. As a teenager, I'd had quite the crush on her older brother, Edward, and was thrilled when he started talking to me and seemed to pay attention to me. With Alice and me into dance at the time, Edward would join us in learning new routines to some of our favorite bands like the Spice Girls. Edward and I had a lot in common, and I loved the way he'd hang out with us and would feel giddy when he'd compliment me.

It wasn't until three years later, when I was seventeen-years-old that Edward confessed to me he liked boys, and not girls. I was initially taken aback, especially since we had shared a kiss that past New Year at midnight, but when I thought about it, I guessed in some way it was rather obvious. He always had male musicians he liked, and actors, and many female friends he could confide in.

Edward and I remained close friends.

It was five years ago, on Edwards twenty-second birthday, that he met Jasper. We had gone off into London around some of the high end bars and clubs, and that was where he saw him working behind the bar. Edward had taken an instant liking to him… and so had Alice. Our friends Jacob (who was my boyfriend at the time), Emmett, Sam, Emily, Leah, Paul and myself had taken a fun bet on who would get their guy. That was the night Alice became playfully jealous of her brother's gender after she caught Jasper and Edward making out behind the bar, and I won £20.

And now the happy couple was joining together, and Alice was the one planning their civil partnership.

I couldn't be happier for my two friends

xXXx

The time had flown by, and as we approached November, it was the week of the big day.

That night I was making my way over to the boys apartment to meet up with everybody for their 'Stag' night. Wanting to theme the night, Edward and Jasper had decided to go with Moulin Rouge, so I was currently dressed up as Nicole Kidman's character from the movie and ready to sing my heart out at karaoke at the bar we were going to.

When I arrived at their flat, it was busy, full of their friends, and everyone was laughing and starting to drink.

Edward was the first to greet me, picking me up and swinging me around in his arms before he set me down and handed me a drink.

"You look gorgeous." He smiled, tipping the top hat he was wearing.

"Now, did you come as Charles Dickens, or…" I joked, and he nudged me playfully. "You do look good in that suit though. You are going to be stunning in two days."

"Don't I know it," Jasper said then, coming up behind Edward and wrapping his arms around him.

Edward smiled, leaning down and kissing Jasper's forehead before Alice came skipping up to us.

"Edward, I brought a bottle of absinthe — we can't have a Moulin Rouge night and not have absinthe!" she declared.

"Did you put it in the kitchen?" he asked and she nodded.

"Maybe we need to get Bella some, and then get her a date." Jasper winked, and I glared at him for a second.

"Yes! Please tell me you have a date for the wedding." Edward moaned at me.

"Well she would have if she hadn't been forgetful in getting somebody's phone number," Alice chirped.

"Who?! When?!" Jasper asked excitedly, wanting more details.

"Hello, I'm right here!" I protested, but they didn't even look at me as they continued.

"When she went to Italy, she met this guy, and he was British, but she didn't even take his number," Alice explained, and she still sounded rather irritated by it.

"Ooh, a one night stand, Miss Swan! How very dirty of you." Edward smirked.

"Har-har," I replied before finishing off my drink. "Can we stop talking about me now please, I'm pretty sure it's rather boring."

"Awww, don't be like that!" Jasper laughed, pulling away from Edward and wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Come with me — let me introduce you to my family," he offered.

Filling my wine glass up quickly, Jasper and I headed off to the living room.

"I can't believe in all this time you've never met them… They've actually heard so much about you."

"Really? Do you love me that much?" I joked with a smirk.

"No, but Edward does." He grinned in return.

I elbowed his ribs quickly as we approached two blondes standing together talking.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my sister, Rosalie, and my father, Carlisle."

My breath hitched in my throat, and I struggled to breathe as none other than my blond god turned to face me.

He looked just as shocked to see me standing there, but he composed himself quicker than me.

Jasper's sister, Rosalie, lent forward and hugged me, and I heard, from some sort of distance that didn't really exist, her say what a pleasure it was to finally meet me. I thanked her kindly before Carlisle came forward, a hand outstretched, and I took it to shake.

Oh that hand, so familiar to my memories, and yet here it didn't feel right.

He was stiff and awkward. This Carlisle, I didn't like much — he lacked warmth.

In the next few minutes I stood there listening to them banter and laugh with each other, my head spun wildly.

Jasper's… dad?

But, Jasper was_ my_ age, so how old did that make Carlisle?

He didn't look old enough to be Jasper's father! But I guess that was a mistake I'd made — I never actually asked Carlisle how old he was — I just assumed from his youthfulness that he was somewhere in his thirties. Now I worried if he was nearing fifty like Charlie…

And what about Jasper's mother? Were they still together? Had I been right — did he really have a wife back at home to go with his family — or was she there, somewhere in this room, ready to claim her husband at some point during this already awkward conversation?

From out of nowhere, a rather loud smash and yell disturbed me, and Jasper stalked off to the kitchen, mumbling as he went.

"So, you're the famous Bella Edward always talks about," Rosalie said with a smile.

"I — er, I am, I guess," I replied slowly, still rather dazed by this unforeseen turn of events.

When I risked a glance at Carlisle, he was looking me over with a frown creasing his beautiful features. He still looked as beautiful as he had been all those months ago.

"Ok… Well, I'm going to… go help Jasper," Rosalie said, clearly trying to relieve herself of the awkwardness that was clearly thick in the air. For a moment, i debated leaving too, but then… I had to know. I wanted answers.

"So, what's the deal? You were away for the weekend without the wife?" I asked.

He released a lengthy breath and looked down at the gold liquid in his glass.

"Look, Bella — I don't know what to say. We can talk, if you'd like to, but not here, not tonight."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but I just can't drop it."

He suddenly wrapped his long fingers around my wrist and pulled me closer to him near the wall.

"I'm sorry, okay. I'm just — shocked. I can't believe I didn't make the connection sooner, and the truth is I couldn't be happier to see you here. It just — makes it awkward."

I sighed.

"I know what you mean," I admitted.

For a moment, we just stood there in silence.

"How have you been?" he asked.

I snorted a laugh. "You mean besides that mind blowing feeling you get when you find out you fucked your best friend's dad? Oh you know… getting on with things. How about you?"

Carlisle Chuckled. "The same. Though, to be honest… my mind has mostly been in Italy."

His familiar intense gaze was back, and I smiled. "Mine —" I was cut off when Jasper loudly announced we were leaving now.

I didn't get to finish my sentence that night and was left wondering just what was the deal with Carlisle.

**Thoughts? x**


	3. Chapter 3 - Doctor's appointment

**Disclaimer - **I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. all credit for that goes to Steph M. This plot, however, is mine.

**A/N: **Hey guys!

So here it is, chapter 3.

As always, you lovely lot are making me smile with the alerts and reviews - thank you so much! I'm really sorry if i didn't get around to replying to any reviews, just know that i appreciate your thoughts and comments.

I'd like to also thank _2Shaes _and _Claireybeary12 _from project team beta for looking over the chapter for me.

**On with the show! **

* * *

**Chapter 3 – Doctor's Appointment.**

This morning was particularly cold, and the frosty air was harsh on my lungs as I jogged through the park.

Edward and Jasper would be getting married in six hours, and I'd spent most of my night awake, tossing and turning and remembering Italy.

Or more so, wondering about Carlisle.

I knew he was a doctor. I knew (or at least he told me) that he had been in Rome for a work convention. And now I knew he was a father. I debated grilling Jasper about him, but I remembered Carlisle had said he would talk to me if I wanted, and so I decided, this afternoon I would give him the chance to arrange a meeting and explain it all to me.

I wasn't expecting anything from him – it wasn't as though I thought now that I knew he was here we could strike up some kind of relationship. No, it was more about the fact that Jasper was my friend, and that Carlisle was his father. What if he was still with his mother? Jasper had never told me much about his parents before, and I'd only heard little bits of information about his sister, but he did mention going to their house for lunch and the time Edward told me about meeting them. I didn't want to be the other woman.

It was while I was thinking about this that the accident happened.

I ran around a corner, almost blindly to what was ahead of me and crashed into somebody coming in the opposite direction. While they simply fell back, I twisted in some kind of messy twirl of a dance and crumpled to the floor, my forehead meeting the concrete in a painful introduction that left me dizzy and nauseous before everything went black.

When I woke up, I was being watched over closely by the other runner, who began apologising in a rather angry manner, which made it sound like less of an apology and more of an accusation. To my horror, paramedics turned up, and when he explained I had been unconscious, I knew what this meant — a trip to Accident and Emergency. Groaning, I reluctantly got into the back of the ambulance and let them take me in. The only thing good about all that fuss and attention was that I skipped the queue and was taken straight in to see a doctor.

As I sat on the bed in the cubicle, I blinked against the harsh, bright, clinical light and gently rubbed my throbbing head.

"Well, Miss Swan, our paths cross again." His beautiful honeyed voice poured, and I looked up to see Carlisle shutting the curtain behind him.

My wildest fantasies could not have prepared me for exactly how sexy Carlisle looked at work, and I'd fantasized about it plenty of times. Who knew all I had to do was come down to A&E to have them made into perfect reality?

His blond hair that was brushed away from his face, gleamed like gold underneath the bright lights. He was wearing a sky blue shirt that fit perfectly on his toned torso. A paler blue tie ran the middle, and I went so far as to check out the tight black dress pants he wore. And of course there was the crisp white lab-coat he wore, his name sewn into the breast pocket in navy, his stethoscope hanging around his neck.

I needed to work on my breathing or I'd be passing out again.

"So, I'm Doctor Cullen, and I'm just going to examine your head," he said as he snapped a latex glove on.

_Oh god_.

I knew he was just trying to be professional, but when you knew exactly what sat underneath those clothes and exactly what his body could do to you, it was hard to let him be professional. I wanted to fist my hands into his lab-coat like I'd dreamed. It would be the only thing he wore, other than my kisses.

Instead, I cleared my throat and let him lightly probe the area that hurt.

"Did you lose consciousness?"

"Yes."

"Did you feel nauseous?"

"Yeah."

"Did you become sick?"

"No."

"OK, we need to get you scanned, just to make sure, and then I'll get that cut stitched up."

"Stitches?! Oh god, I'm going to look awful in their wedding pictures," I groaned.

Carlisle chuckled as he stood back and discarded his gloves. "You couldn't ever look awful, Bella," he whispered, before he cleared his throat and continued. "Besides, my stitching is perfect – I'm famous for my neatness and tiny stitches." He winked, and I bit my lip as a smile grew and accompanied my blush. "And, seeing as I know you have a very important wedding to get to this afternoon, as do I, you are now a VIP patient, and I will personally see to it that you are attended to immediately and only receive the best in care," he told me as he flashed me a winning smile, one that crinkled his eyes in the corners ever so slightly, and lit up his whole face.

"Thank you, Doctor Cullen," I replied, and I noticed the way he swallowed hard when I said that.

Carlisle arranged for a nurse to take me down for the scan, and I was surprised by how quickly I got through. I wasn't a regular here or anything, so I didn't quite know how these things worked, but judging by the moaning the other patients did about waiting times, I guessed I was pretty lucky.

Friends in high places obviously got you far.

When I got back to my cubicle, I played a small waiting game where I aimlessly flicked through rubbish gossip magazines (much like the one I worked for) and texted Alice for the 8th time telling her that I wasn't going to be late, before Carlisle came back with my results.

"I think that you'll be just fine. I'd advise that if you plan to take a nap at any time, get somebody to wake you regularly," he told me.

"Well, i heard a doctor will be there, so I'm sure if I ask nice enough he can keep an eye on me." I winked.

"I'm sure he'd keep an eye on you, anyway," he responded quietly.

For a moment we both gazed at each other, and I remembered how his lips felt on mine. I wanted to feel them again. I felt myself lean forward, move myself closer to him. I felt my fingers twitch as his lab coat brushed against them. Even in my skimpy sports bra and running leggings, I felt way more over-dressed than I'd like to be around him.

"La Mia Bella," he whispered. I could feel that familiar torturous ache, the need for him.

"Excuse me," a nurse said from the other side of the curtain, and we had just enough time to distance ourselves a little more before she entered. "Do you require some help?" she asked.

Carlisle cleared his throat and smiled stiffly. "That would be fantastic, thank you."

I sighed as I too forced a smile and let him begin work on the small cut to my head.

XxxX

"Jeez, look at the size of that bump," Alice muttered, standing in front of me in my bathroom.

"So, can you help me?" I asked, jingling my make up bag at her to serve as a reminder.

"Of course I can – I can fix anything." She grinned, taking it from me and opening it up.

By day, Alice worked in the same office I did at the same magazine company I did, writing articles about meaningless crap.

It was hardly my dream job. In fact, I didn't know what my dream job was, but it paid the bills. Alice however, loved it.

She was fashionable, had the knowhow, and had taken several courses during her college years on being a make-up artist among other things, which was why I trusted her completely with this. Alice spent around 20 minutes working her magic, and when she was done… well, I was very impressed.

My face looked slimmer than it already was with the way Alice had used contouring naturally. My lids were lightly dusted with an ice white glitter shadow, but my lips were a beautiful deep red, something that perfectly suited the winter season Alice told me.

After the flowers had been delivered, we grabbed my dress bag and headed over to Edward and Jasper's place.

Edward seemed to be nervously strolling around his apartment in just his dress pants, and he greeted me with a shaky hug.

"You're such a tease," I joked when we parted, and he frowned at me. "Pushing that sexy half naked body against me and on your wedding day!"

Edward laughed nervously and visibly relaxed a little.

Pretty soon Alice was taking charge, ordering people — and her parents — around the place. Esme, their mother, rolled her eyes at me as she wandered into the kitchen to make everyone drinks.

Soon the hairdresser arrived and took Alice and myself into the bedroom where our hair was done.

"Alice… what do you know about Jasper's dad?" I asked her.

I know I said I'd wait for him to tell me, but after our morning together I was more than curious.

"Carlisle? Not a lot," she replied, shaking her head. "He is gorgeous though."

"That's family you're talking about," Edward said, coming into his room to put his shirt on.

"What?! I'm just saying, he's good looking. I even somewhat reluctantly admit that about you, dear brother," she teased. Edward's returning laugh was quite sarcastic.

I smiled and laughed with them as they continued to tease each other, but I had to admit I was starting to get frustrated. How was it that Carlisle Cullen was as much as mystery to everyone else as he was to me? I was tempted to ask Edward, but he was more suspicious than Alice was, and I didn't want him figuring anything out. So I dropped it. Later I'd ask Carlisle to explain to me, as planned, and that would be that – for now I'd participate in the excitement surrounding my friend's special day.

When Benjamin, the only man Alice trusted to touch her hair, was done with us, we kicked all the men out to get changed.

My hair looked fantastic, and I wondered if I should start spending an extra £15 a month to get him to do my hair regularly too. He'd given me a side parting on my left and swept my hair around into a messy bun on the right hand side. My fringe swept across my forehead and hung down in a loose curl. I loved it.

And my dress? Well, Alice was a genius. She managed to get us bridesmaids dresses that didn't say we were bridesmaids. It was a simple vintage lace dress in a cream colour that hung just above my knees and had simple spaghetti straps — it was beautiful.

When we were changed we joined everybody else in the living room and Alice handed out the flowers and corsages. All we were missing now was the groom.

"Edward sweetie, please come out," his mother, Esme said as she stood outside the bathroom door. I knew her gentle pleading wouldn't work with Edward. It never had, but Esme just didn't have it in her to shout or be mean, so I stepped forward.

"Since when was I best friends with a wimp?" I asked.

Esme gently touched my arm to stop me. Alice frowned at me, but I shook my head, pleading them to allow me to continue.

The bathroom door creaked open and Edward popped his head out.

"I'm not a wimp," he growled, but his expression softened to that of a vulnerable child. "I'm asking somebody as amazing as Jasper to commit to somebody like me," he whispered.

I knew Edward had a hard time adjusting as a kid. He'd been bullied at school — not too much, but some moronic kid's rhymes and silly childish name-calling did more damage to someone than they were aware of. And it only got worse for him at college when he 'became a puff'. Every relationship Edward had was a short one full of him doubting himself, and he was afraid to commit to anyone in the long term because of this.

I placed my hand in his as his sister, his mother, and his father, Garret, each placed a loving hand on Edward's shoulder.

"And that's why Jasper is a very lucky guy — because_ you_ fell in love with him. Edward, you're an amazing guy and kinda hot too." I winked, making him laugh a little.

"Don't let somebody like Jasper slip away because you're nervous." Alice chipped in. "That's all it is Edward, and you've not doubted Jasper's love for you since you got serious, so why start now?"

I nodded. "Besides, I swear to the lord above, if you made me get dressed up for no reason, I'll kick your skinny ass," I warned him, and he grinned at us with tears in his eyes.

"Not quite speech material, but you did good Swan." He smiled. "Thanks sis," he added, hugging his sister before we all joined for a group hug.

"And if you're not ready and in that car in five minutes, I'm going to shove this heel so far up your ass..." Alice started as we all pulled out of the hug, but was waved off by her big brother.

"Puh-lease. As if you'd waste Christian like that." He grinned, speaking of the Louboutin shoes she wore.

"He's got a point," Alice muttered, marching him back into the bathroom.

For ten minutes I talked with Esme and Garret over their plans to get away for their wedding anniversary this year, before Edward emerged looking stunning in his suit.

After hugs and tears from his mother, we headed downstairs to where the cars waited, climbing in and heading to the registry office where one of my best friends would soon join his hands with the love of his life.

On this beautiful, wintery and sunny day, I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.

**Thoughts? x**


	4. Chapter 4 - The Wedding

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. All credit for them goes to SM. I just play with them.

**A/N:**

Hello!

So here it is, chapter 4.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing and putting this story on their alerts. It means a great deal that you're all enjoying it.

I'm very sorry if i didn't get back to anyone on reviews. I won't give you my excuses, I'll just try better next time.

A big thanks to **fmfg** and **Jenny/jennej **from Project team Beta who looked at and helped with this chapter.

So, On with the show!

* * *

**Chapter 4 – The Wedding**

The ceremony had been beautiful.

I had learned in the car ride over to the registry office that Carlisle, Tanya (who was Jasper's mother), Esme and Garret had gone halves on the day. To be honest, I was sure Alice had mentioned it before, and I wondered why I hadn't picked up on the name before — a name like Carlisle should have stuck out to me. I mean, how many Carlisles do you come across?

Then I realised that I was the only one calling him Carlisle and everyone else had always referred to him as Dr. Cullen or Dad.

And, boy, did Dr Cullen look handsome today.

Since Edward and Jasper didn't want too much fuss, there were a lack of tuxes, but the good doctor's suit impressed. A navy blue with a shimmering silk band down the outside of each leg on his dress pants and a white shirt sat partially unbuttoned under his jacket, revealing just a little chest hair, and a light blue scarf complimented his look.

He was stunning.

Even though I appreciated the beauty of this man, nothing could compare to the two men stood before us. In black suits, they wore crisp white shirts and a pin striped cravat. They looked so happy as they stood together, Edward towering over his husband, but his head bowed low pressing against Jasper's; they even wore matching grins that shone as brightly as their wedding rings.

I took the small white lace handkerchief from Alice (that looked way too pretty and delicate to wipe tears away with) and carefully dabbed under my eyes so I didn't run my make-up before snapping a few amateur photographs like everybody else.

Outside the sun beat down on us, despite the season, and professional photographs were taken this time. Just then, a beautiful classic white Rolls Royce pulled up to whisk them away to their wedding reception.

Across the path, I could see Carlisle talking to Tanya, who I'd been briefly introduced to earlier. She looked beautiful, blonde much like Carlisle and their children and a stunning body wrapped in a gorgeous golden dress.

They had to still be together...

"Bella, we're heading to the reception now," Esme said as she approached me, and I turned to smile at her. "Do you want to ride with us again?" she asked, and I nodded, muttering a small "Thank you." We made our way to the car park and climbed into the car that waited — me, Alice, Esme, Garret, Carlisle, Tanya and Rosalie. I didn't miss the glance from Carlisle before I averted my gaze to my lap for the duration of the journey.

The reception was held at a beautiful art gallery that Esme owned. It was dark and shady in areas, but somebody had arranged lights that cast a soft glow of purples, blues and yellows around the room, and the art that Esme's gallery held in this room made for wonderful decoration.

Along one wall was a table covered in a white cloth and stocked with some fine looking food. On a small table in the opposite corner sat the wedding cake — a large rectangle shape, white, with a thin black icing ribbon running around the bottom completed with a bow. On the top of the cake sat a single calla lily and two silver initials in a fancy scroll — an 'E' and a 'J'.

At the moment, a DJ stood at the other end of the room, not too far from the main door behind his makeshift booth in front of the makeshift dance floor. People gathered in small groups and accepted the flutes of champagne the hired waiters were bring round on silver trays.

"This is amazing," told Esme as I accepted a flute.

"Thank you, Bella! Anything for my son and the love of his life," she gushed just as Carlisle, Tanya and Rosalie joined us. I focused on Alice and where she stood with her arm wrapped around her father's waist.

"Bet you can't wait to hear what Alice will want on her big day," I joked. Everyone chuckled as Garrett turned to me.

"The moment she announces her engagement, I'm robbing a bank in preparation!" He laughed.

"It still wouldn't be enough, Daddy." Alice smirked.

"Now don't you go frightening me!" Garrett exclaimed, hugging her as the rest of us chuckled.

Just then, the DJ announced the arrival of the happy couple, and we set our drinks down, applauding them as they walked through the doors hand-in-hand.

They made their way around the room, thanking each guest for coming as soft music played in the background. When they arrived at us, everyone took it in turns to embrace and congratulate them.

"I'm so happy for you both," I choked, trying my best not to cry.

"Thank you," Jasper whispered before moving to Alice.

"Really, Bella — thank you," Edward repeated, and I nodded, sniffing a little as a tear fell.

With a soft kiss to my cheek, Edward moved on too, and I quickly wiped the stray tear away.

Hours had passed, drinks had been consumed, food had been eaten and I was pretty sure I was tipsy.

Some of our old friends had joined us: Emmett, Sam and Emily (who were now engaged), Paul, and even Jacob, my ex. Some of Jasper's friends were here too, and he introduced me to Charlotte, Peter and Maria.

It was great to see everyone again and to meet the friends I'd heard Jasper talk about.

Garrett, Alice, Rosalie and Carlisle had all given beautiful speeches that had brought me to tears. Carlisle had stood at the front under white lights; he spoke of how much he loved both his children, and joked about how he could stand to wait at least another 10 years till Rosalie got married. He talked about how proud he was of his son, and that Jasper being gay just meant he gained another son. He was thrilled that they had found true love in each other. There was something very sexy about Carlisle in his fatherly role. It was the love and adoration in the tone of his voice and the tears of joy he tried not to spill.

After Carlisle, it was my turn. Edward had argued that Alice and Rosalie were giving speeches, and that I was like a sister to him too, so I had every right to be up there. Despite my hate of public speaking, there was no way I'd let him down, and so as Carlisle finished, I made my way over and turned to face the crowd.

"I'm not so great with speeches. In fact, Edward knows how much I hate them. But he also knows how much I love him and Jasper. Edward has always been there for me – the whole family has, and they've always been family to me – now, I have another brother. I'm so_ proud_ of Edward for standing up for what he believed in, for following his heart, and standing here today. And even though a teenage Edward left a teenage girl crushing on him after their little New Year's kiss, I'll always wish the best for him, and all the happiness he deserves."

The crowd erupted into applause as I quickly merged with the crowd to hide my tears. Edward soon caught up with me, his long arms wrapping me in a hug.

Next was the cutting of the cake and more photographs. There they stood, gazing into each other's eyes adoringly.

Then it was onto the first dance, a slower version of Take That's 'Rule the World' sung by the Military Wives. I was in tears again by the time the song finished and they started dancing with their mothers. Leaving them all to it, I headed to the bar where I could see Carlisle. Maybe now I could talk to him. It was while I was at the bar, just about to speak to Carlisle, that Jacob made his move.

"Hey." He grinned, flashing me his teeth.

"Hey Jake," I replied, looking over his shoulder at Carlisle.

"You look amazing — remind me why we broke up?"

Carlisle looked up, an eyebrow arched in a curious fashion.

To look at Jacob, then Carlisle, you might be confused by what my type was. Jake was... buff. Tan skinned, muscles rippling from everywhere, and under that white shirt sat a perfect six-pack. He had jelled hair and perfect, straight white teeth. Jake was a zoo worker by day, working with the wolves they kept, and model by night. He was also a show off and had a tendency to be a pig.

I tapped my forefinger on my chin lightly, pretending to think. "Hmm, let's see — your lack of appreciation and probably the fact you cheated on me," I told him, and I noticed Carlisle's expression change, though I couldn't quite make out what to.

"Bella, baby, come on. I told you... I didn't mean it. I miss you."

"Sure, sure," I replied, quoting his term for blowing me off when I'd had something of importance to talk about.

He grinned, as though he sensed a challenge. "Just come and dance with me. One innocent little dance."

I rolled my eyes, ready to tell him no and get the hell away from him. But over his shoulder I noticed the stunning redhead who had approached Carlisle and now held his attention. The way her fingertips danced over his hand and the smile he wore as he spoke to her sparked something with me.

I knew I was being childish, but I didn't care. Jealousy had reared his ugly head and I was acting on it.

"_One_ dance," I told him sternly, and he took my hand, leading me to the dance floor.

Jake wasn't a great dancer, and tonight was no different. His grinding was annoying and made me cringe. What was worse was when the next song started, he wrapped his arms around me as the slow tune began to play. "Okay, Jake. That's one dance," I reminded him.

His hands lowered, his palms stretching across my ass cheeks as he came closer.

"Jake, seriously, that's it," I warned, this time pressing my hands firmly against his solid chest. As his hand drew away from my behind, I sighed with relief – only to squeal in anger when it made contact again, slapping my backside.

Anger boiled within, and I was just about to make it known when a hand gripped Jake's wrist tightly and yanked it from me. I stumbled back and looked on as Carlisle held his arm in a twist.

"I suggest you do as she asks," Carlisle told him.

"Or what?" Jake laughed, but Carlisle simply twisted his arm even more, clearly causing Jake pain.

"Or I break your arm. I am a doctor. I know exactly how much more pressure I need to apply for it to happen."

When Jake didn't respond, Carlisle applied more pressure, as promised.

"OW! Okay, Jeez!" Jake whined, also stumbling back when Carlisle let go.

"See ya later, Bells," he muttered in my direction before heading off through the crowd.

"Are you..." Carlisle began, but was cut off by the sound of my father.

"Bella, are you Okay?" he asked, looking in the general direction Jake had disappeared to.

When I turned away from my father, Carlisle had gone, so I turned back and sighed.

"Yeah, I'm great. Thanks."

Charlie sighed too, but out of frustration. "Look, Bells, I know you're mad at me, but I still care about you — you're my little girl."

"I know, and I'm not... so mad, anymore. I'm just struggling to understand," I admitted.

"Then can you at least just understand that I fell in love. You've been wondering when it would happen, ever since your mother left me. Well, It happened."

"Yeah, but I also remember the pain Mum caused us both when she cheated on you. How do you think Seth and Leah feel?"

Dad sighed again. "Bells, just because I like Sue, that doesn't mean anything happened before Harry died. She was going to leave him, and then we knew he was dying. I'd have a lost a friend either way — now I've lost a friend and a daughter. Bella, I love you, and I need you."

I thought about this for a moment, and my resolve weakened. I knew I should forgive him, but I still felt a sting of hurt I couldn't quite place. Sighing, I gently reached out for his hand and held it loosely.

"I'm just not quite ready," I whispered, and as the first salty tear reached my lip, I ran from the room.

Outside the air was fresh and whipped icily around my damp cheeks. I tried to wipe them away with shaky fingertips, and I briefly wondered if Alice had any make-up with her.

"Hey there, Bella? Isn't it?" Somebody asked, and I turned to see Jasper's mum, Tanya, beside me and looking concerned.

"Um, yeah, hi." I sniffed.

"What happened, sweetie. Are you Okay?"

My emotions were on high alert and as I looked at her, I thought of Carlisle.

I thought of his toned body flush against mine and slick with sweat. I thought of his kisses, and his touches, and the words he had spoken to me. And I felt guilty.

And so, much like a child, I cried harder. The sort of cry you did when you were a kid lost in the supermarket, and you'd whimper for your mummy or daddy, crying because you thought all hope was lost.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you, " she apologised, clearly alarmed by my outburst.

I accepted a tissue from her and began to ramble as I wiped the tears away.

"It's fine. It's just... how can I stay mad at him, when I'm no better? My father fell in love, something I've wanted for him since he finally let go of my mother, and sure, it looked like he was a member to a guilty party of cheating, but I think I over-thought things, and now I've realized – I'm no better.

"I slept with someone who I'm sure is a married man, and now that makes me worse. I'm as bad as my mother – I'm the other woman."

Tanya sighed sadly. "It really does affect your kids, no matter how young or old they are, and you just don't realise it. I remember when Jasper and Rosalie found out about Carlisle and I... "

At the mention of his name, it dawned on me what I'd just confessed to her and I swallowed thickly.

"He was only little, and Rose was just a baby. And I loved Carlisle, I really did. I just… fell in love with Caius more.

"I was so messed up with my thoughts and feelings back then, for a while Caius and I snuck around. But then his girlfriend found out, and she called Carlisle... it was ugly. I didn't want to be held responsible for anything I had done, the pain I had caused Carlisle. I'm ashamed to say I took the kids and left. I just left Carlisle a silly little note that simply said I was leaving him."

_What? _

"It took him years to track me down through the courts. At first I was selfish — I only wanted to let him back into my life so I could divorce him and marry Caius. But I saw what it meant to him to see the children again, and I had to stop. I never realised I'd do such damage to Carlisle and the kids. They were so confused, because I'd been stupid enough to let them believe Caius was their father."

I shook my head for a moment, finding my thoughts and feelings somewhere between horror, sadness for Jasper and Rosalie, and realisation.

"So... you and Carlisle_ aren't_ together?" I hoped I didn't sound too hopeful.

"No, not since Jasper was three. It's taken a lot for us to be a family again, one that can still function despite our past. Carlisle's a good man, and I'm lucky I get to keep him in my life.

"But what I'm trying to say is, I think I understand both sides of your predicament."

My emotions were soaring, tossing and turning between sadness and relief.

"I think you need to forgive your father. Carlisle was strong enough to forgive me, and I've been happily married to Caius for seven years now." She smiled.

"Wow, that's... great. I'm glad things worked out," I told her sincerely.

"Thank you, Bella." She grinned.

"I um... I'm sorry, I need to go and speak to someone. Thank you for talking to me," I said as I rushed off inside.

Esme, Garrett, Alice and Edward were sat around the table, taking dancing partners, and I saw Carlisle dancing with Rosalie.

"Alice," I called, and she came over quickly.

"Oh God, what happened to you?" she asked as she examined my face.

"Fix me?" I begged, and she nodded quickly.

I met Alice in the bathroom where she opened a small make-up bag up on the counter I sat on and pulled some powder out.

"You look like a panda having an allergic reaction," she laughed, and I smirked in response.

"Thanks. I'll try avoiding that particular look in future," I muttered as she grabbed a mascara wand.

Sweeping it over my lashes a few times each, she declared me fixed and closed her bag again.

"Thanks!" I grinned, hopping down and following her back out.

As soon as I reached the table, Jasper was asking for a dance, and that soon changed to Edward. We laughed as he spun me around, but over his shoulder I watched Carlisle, who was currently laughing with Esme, Garrett, and the redhead.

Edward's gaze followed mine. "Jazz is worried Carlisle will pull and not be able to drive us," he smirked.

I swallowed hard. "Pull? The redhead?" I asked, and he nodded.

"She hasn't left him alone all day. Don't you recognise her?" he asked me.

I shook my head. "Should I?"

"She's supposed to be Paul's date. Victoria, I think he said her name was."

I nodded my understanding and looked back over to them where I noticed her trying to get closer to Carlisle.

"My turn!" Alice announced when a more up-tempo song began playing, and I shook my jealous thoughts out of my head.

After my dance with Alice, I noticed the late hour and the night drawing to a close, and feeling hot and bothered, stepped outside for some fresh air.

"Care for one more dance?" Carlisle asked, and I spun around to face him.

"Not dancing with Victoria?" I asked, and I noticed him smile.

"She's not my type," he breathed, stepping closer to me and taking the same position he had back in Italy.

We had began to dance, a slow sway out here in the streets. His hands stayed a polite distance away from anywhere that might cause suspicion, but they were firm and knowing.

"Then what is your type?" I asked before he spun me around.

Catching me in the strong circle of his arms, his sweet warm breath surrounded my blushing cheeks and he came closer towards me.

"La Mia Bella," he purred, tightening his fingers a tad more into my soft flesh that seemed to almost mould to a perfect fit.

When his thumb brushed tentatively across my cheek, I looked into his smouldering eyes.

Until now, my heart had been a cooling flame stoked only by remembrance. Now though, it ignited, and the ache my body felt intensified.

My hands lightly travelled to the nape of his neck, and I wound my fingers in his soft hair, pulling him towards me, our lips dancing in their long-awaited meeting.

We both moaned at the contact, and I found myself on tip-toes trying to pull him closer. I needed to feel him, every inch of him, against me.

"My place is nearby – taxi?" he panted, and I nodded quickly.

Taking my hand, we ran across the empty street and round the corner into the Friday night/Saturday morning hustle and bustle of a town centre. I giggled as we ran, weaving through groups of drunk students and jumping over offensive objects that littered the ground until we reached the taxi rank.

Carlisle opened the door for me, and I jumped in, settling in the cool leather seats as Carlisle gave his address and we pulled off.

Being in the back of the taxi didn't stop him, and his hands were all over me in seconds, and we were back to making out again.

I couldn't wait to get back to his place.

**Thoughts?**


	5. Author's Note

**A/N:**

Hey guys and dolls. This is, unfortunately, not a chapter update.

So, I know I've been away from here for a _very_ long time, and I want to apologise to you all for that.

There are many reasons for this, one of which is that I have been busy working on a novel that I hope to try and get published, and for a while that was the story I was living in; it was so stuck in my head, I didn't have room for anything else I was writing.

Secondly, I was finishing off my year at college. Going back to college as a mature student was hard enough, but after being away from a schooling environment for Ten years and having to go back and do exams... it's a rubbish excuse, I know, but that's the truth of it! I had to concentrate on studying or else this entire academic year would have been a waste, and I don't want that result!

And last, but not least, was family.

Not only have I been trudging through family problems that seem to come like two big red buses at once, but I had to take time away with my kiddies while the sun has still got his hat on in the UK.

Cue long breaks away at the coast with no internet, long fun filled kiddie activity days with nowhere to write and terrible karaoke versions of ELO's 'Mr Blue Sky'

There are a few more day trips to complete with my kiddies before school starts again, but the good news (For me, I suppose) is that I will have internet access.

Yay!

Now, I'm going to take this short amount of time to let you all know that I have written this next chapter up, and started on the one after that, but it needs to be sent away to the Beta and that process is unfortunately lengthy at times.

I am, as I always promised, sticking with this story. I will not abandon it – that's just not my style.

I just beg of you your patience and understanding and I'll cross my fingers that anybody actually cared enough to read this, or will care enough to hang on while I sort myself out!

FionaRhiannon


End file.
